Ibara (Briar Rose)
by Arden Tenjou
Summary: Rin is now an adult and she notices Sesshomaru acting strange, complaining of her smelling "different." A misunderstanding leads her to think Sesshomaru can no longer endure the presence of a human around him. In an attempt to save himself from "sins of his father," Sesshomaru reluctantly sends her away. Bittersweet romance between Rin and Sesshomaru.
1. Chapter 1

Ibara, "Briar Rose"

Chapter One

Even after so many years, Rin's days with Sesshomaru-sama always began the same way. Just after the sun rose, she would delightedly prepare breakfast for herself, as well as a little something for Jaken-sama and A-Un. Though Jaken was usually disdainful of anything she gave him, he rarely objected to dried lizards or snails when she seasoned them a little. A-Un would eat anything, but liked raw frogs best.

Sesshomaru rarely ate more than once a day to begin with. He also always rose late, if he slept at all. When the mood struck him, he would frequently vanish all night and return the next day as if nothing had happened. Whenever he did this, Jaken would have some degree of a temper tantrum and often try to follow him, though he rarely seemed to catch up before Sesshomaru returned again. But in any case, eating together was usually a rare occurrence.

One morning, Rin found a pleasant patch of grass to eat her breakfast, and had already sat down before she noticed a presence there already. Leaning against a nearby tree, Sesshomaru was seated with his one hand resting on his knee, his eyes closed. A casual glance might lead one to think he was sleeping, although Rin was sure he was awake.

"Sesshomaru-sama," Rin said with a smile. "Will you join me for breakfast today?"

Sesshomaru reluctantly opened his eyes. His yellow, beast-like eyes fixed on Rin in the same way they always did, as if she were a tadpole in a pond; separate from his world, barely worthy of interest. Though lately his eyes often lingered on her, as if there was something yet about her that he did not understand. Rin thought that was strange; they'd already been together for close to ten years now. They might as well be family.

Sesshomaru's eyes flicked down to Rin's breakfast, a couple of onigiri and some pickled daikon. Rin was sure his eyes narrowed slightly with disdain. But then they glanced back up at her and became neutral again. He did not answer her question, merely watched her impassively as she stood up and moved over to sit beside him instead. He continued watching her as she ate, enjoying the scenery of the mountain where they had slept the previous night, just beginning to show the first tinges of spring.

"Rin," he said abruptly.

"Mm?" Rin asked, picking some rice off her face and licking it from her fingers.

Sesshomaru frowned at her. "Your smell…"

Rin blinked. She sniffed at her own kimono. "Do I smell bad? Should I go wash in the river?"

Sesshomaru glanced away with that same look of confusion he had shown recently. "I did not say it was bad. I was wondering why it was different."

"Different?"

Without replying, Sesshomaru simply stood and began to walk away.

"Wait, Sesshomaru-sama! If you're ready to leave, I'll go with you." Rin finished her last few bites of onigiri and jogged over to A-Un. "Come on, A-Un. Let's fly."

"Sesshomaru-sama! Rin! Wait for me!" cried Jaken, running to grab onto A-Un's leg as he took to the sky after Sesshomaru. Jaken scrambled onto A-Un's back and fussed for a time to find a comfortable seat. "Rin! This old kimono is so tattered, there are threads everywhere! How are humans always so unkempt?"

Rin blinked. She looked down at her own kimono and realized two things; firstly, she had outgrown it. It had been years since the hem had reached her ankles as it was meant to. Secondly, though she was conscientious about caring for her things, there were parts where it was worn thin that she could almost see daylight through it.

"Oh. Maybe that's what Sesshomaru-sama meant." She frowned, folding her arms as A-Un climbed higher into the sky, chasing the fluttering tail of Sesshomaru's fur. "Even so…I don't have any money. I can't get a new kimono."

"Lesser animals don't need clothing," Jaken grumbled behind her. "No one cares about your body, Rin."

"Really?" Rin wondered idly. "But won't my scent bother Sesshomaru-sama even more if I don't have clothes over it?"

"How should I know? Just don't bother Sesshomaru-sama with your nonsense."

"Hm…" Rin thought. "All right then."

Even though they were still in midair, she began to strip off her kimono. With only her shorts remaining, she folded her kimono in front of her, reluctant to throw it away as she wasn't sure whether she could find another one. In front of them, she saw Sesshomaru glance back and note what she had done, but not pause to observe her for very long.

Unfortunately, she had taken for granted how much difference even a threadbare kimono made in protecting her skin from the cold air rushing over it. By the time they finally stopped for water at a waterfall late that afternoon, she was shivering head to toe. Her skin felt burned by the wind. She even had trouble dismounting from A-Un.

"Rin? What's wrong with you?" asked Jaken.

Her teeth chattering, Rin struggled to reply, "C-c-cold."

"Hm. Troublesome creature. Here, I'll build a fire for you. You'd better say thank you." Jaken dismounted from A-Un and pointed his staff at a patch of grass. The staff roared out flames and lit a small fire there.

"Th-th-thank you, Jaken-sama," Rin said, as she got to a shaky stance on the ground.

She was about to sit down before the fire when her vision was blocked by Sesshomaru's armor. She looked up at him in surprise. He didn't normally stand this close, so it was the first time she noticed that she was almost as tall as his shoulders now. She couldn't help smiling a little at the thought that she might be closer to him, even in such a trivial way.

Suddenly, Sesshomaru's fur swept in front of her eyes. The next thing she knew, she was enveloped in warmth. She couldn't help an audible sigh at the pleasant feeling of being so warm and protected.

"Rin," said Sesshomaru darkly. "Where is your kimono?"

Rin blushed, not wanting to remind Sesshomaru that her scent had bothered him. "I put it in A-Un's saddle bags. I thought…maybe it smelled bad," she deflected a little.

Sesshomaru took this in impassively for a moment. Eventually he simply swept away without explanation. "Make do with that for now. Don't follow me."

"Ah! Sesshomaru-sama!" Rin cried after him.

"Sesshomaru-sama! Where might you be going?" Jaken asked worriedly.

"Look after Rin," Sesshomaru said simply, and took to the air so effortlessly as if the wind had been holding back all this time from embracing him. In moments, he was already out of sight over the top of the cliff they were standing under.

"What has come over Sesshomaru-sama?" Jaken asked with exasperation. "He's acting very oddly around you, Rin. Are you certain you didn't eat anything strange?"

Rin shook her head. "I can't think of anything..." she muttered, but in her heart she felt a twinge of pain. So it wasn't her imagination. Sesshomaru-sama was acting strangely around her. In reality, she had half suspected a day like this might someday come. She knew Sesshomaru hated humans. Even more than half-demons like his brother, whom he actively tried to kill every time he saw him. Rin didn't know exactly why Sesshomaru had been able to put up with her for so long, but she thought it might be because she was a child. Until recently, that is.

She clung tighter to Sesshomaru's fur as she examined her own mature body. Earlier this year, she had started bleeding once a month, something she knew would happen when she became old enough to have children. It was something she never wanted to do. After all the pain she had gone through after coming into this world with no one to care for her, she would never inflict that on anyone else. But whatever she might wish, her body betrayed the fact that she was now an adult. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe adult humans smelled differently, a smell Sesshomaru couldn't stand. But if so, what could she do?

Before she had even sat down, she tossed aside Sesshomaru-sama's fur. Jaken glanced up at her, frowning. "Rin?"

Without a word, she walked into the pool of water at the bottom of the waterfall.

"Oi, Rin! What are you doing?" Jaken demanded.

"Washing," she muttered, hoping she had kept the sound of crying from her voice.

But tears fell as she waded deeper into the icy water. She quickly splashed her face to hide the redness. If she couldn't find a solution, she would have to leave Sesshomaru-sama. And if that happened, then she couldn't think of any reason to keep living. She had no one in the world but him, Jaken and A-Un. More tears dripped down her face as she thought of how happy she had been just this morning, and how foolishly she thought these days would continue forever. She vigorously rubbed her body, trying to scrub away whatever made her human.

Just a few minutes in this freezing water made her whole body numb, and she had to get out. She wobbled on feet she couldn't feel and stumbled to the ground.

"Hey! Are you all right, Rin? You're ice cold!" Jaken said, running over to her.

"Still…smell human…" Rin mumbled, but she was finding it hard to stay awake. She felt uncomfortably warm even though she should feel freezing. She started both shivering and sweating, and felt her consciousness fading.

"Rin! Keep it together! If something happens to you, Sesshomaru-sama will eat me!" Jaken cried.

Rin slipped into a dreamless sleep for a time after that. When next she woke, she was again wrapped in that comforting warmth. And this time, she realized it was not just the fur. She was curled up in the circle of Sesshomaru's legs, his arm cradling her back. She looked up at him in surprise, thinking he would dislike being this close to anyone, especially a human.

"Sesshomaru-sama…" Rin tried to say, but her voice was raw. She set to coughing, her whole body feeling achy and hot.

Sesshomaru's hold tightened around her. He glared down at her. "Humans can die easily from cold," he said in a dark tone. "Yet you not only threw off my fur, you bathed in cold water without anything to warm yourself after. What were you thinking?"

Rin coughed again, guilty but too addle-headed to apologize properly. "I'm sorry…Sesshomaru-sama…"

"I didn't ask for an apology. I asked for an explanation."

Rin sniffed as she felt her eyes prickle with tears again. Though she would never normally be bold enough to do something so impudent, she pressed her head against Sesshomaru-sama's shoulder and immediately felt so comforted and happy to feel his warmth that she almost fell asleep.

"I don't want to leave you…Sesshomaru-sama…"

Sesshomaru seemed to watch her for some time. Eventually, she felt his hand reach up to gently stroke her hair. In his usual way, he said nothing. But as her eyes closed, even as a few tears dripped down her cheeks, and though her body still ached with a fever, Rin had never slept so comfortably in all her life.

The next time she woke, she was alone again, though still wrapped up in Sesshomaru-sama's fur. She realized she was in a cave. When she walked outside, she saw Sesshomaru standing at the edge of a cliff, the wind just lapping at the ends of his hair and robes, looking somehow even more beautiful and regal than she ever remembered seeing him before. Rin's heart ached whenever she saw him, she realized. What would she do if she had to leave him?

"Sesshomaru-sama…" she murmured.

He turned to see her. Without a change in his expression, he walked over and made sure his fur was wrapped well around her. Once again, he raised his hand to softly stroke her hair. Rin closed her eyes and wished he would hold her again.

Instead he said, "Rin. How old are you now?"

"I think…about eighteen, Sesshomaru-sama."

Sesshomaru took in a long breath and let it out, his gaze distant. "Only yesterday you were a child. Tomorrow you will be bones." He turned away from her and returned to his place standing on the edge of the cliff, looking out at a beautiful sunset over the distant hills. Despite his morbid words just now, Rin wanted to watch the beautiful sight with him. But then he said the words that broke her heart. "Rin. You would be happier to live with other humans."

Without even thinking, Rin blurted out firmly, "No."

Sesshomaru was silent at this, but he did not turn to face her.

"I could not be happier, because I am happiest by your side, Sesshomaru-sama," Rin told him with all her courage, though right now she felt her chest was cracked open. "I…I will leave…" she went on, her eyes welling up with tears. "…if you ask me to. Do you want me to go, Sesshomaru-sama?"

She honestly expected him to say "no." She would not have been brave enough to ask otherwise. Still, he would not turn to face her. The wind picked up and flicked his hair gently to this side and that. His figure in the sunset was so beautiful, it made the thought of leaving him carve indelible pain to the deepest part of Rin's soul.

Softly he said, "Do not force me to say unpleasant things."

Shock ran down Rin's body. Perhaps if she had not been weakened by her recent illness, and by the fear of losing him, she might have had more confidence in herself. But all she could hear in his softly spoken words was a request for her to figure it out on her own: that he couldn't stand her anymore, but didn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her.

"You may keep the fur, but you cannot go into a human village so poorly dressed. I obtained a new kimono for you," Sesshomaru said, and Rin noticed the folded garment resting on a boulder nearby. "Take it on your way."

Rin could not move for a few moments. The blood running through her veins felt much colder now than it had when she had been submerged in freezing water. The front of her head felt oddly stiff and heavy, and for a moment she wondered whether it was actually her inside her body. Did it matter anymore? Did her existence mean anything without Sesshomaru-sama in it?

But even in her despair, she couldn't disobey him. She walked numbly over to the kimono. It was a bright blue and yellow pattern with red birds, and was very much her taste. She was about to take it when Sesshomaru-sama's fur rustled against her cheek as she moved. Her eyes stung. He had said she could take it, but that would not do. Though she feared she would regret it for the rest of her life, to be left without even a trace of him, she slowly pulled the blissfully comforting fur from around her shoulders.

She held it in her arms for a time, unsure what to do next. Though she feared her scent might make him angry, she couldn't help but clasp the fur tightly for a moment, burying her face in it as if it were Sesshomaru-sama himself. She sobbed softly for a moment, trying to remember his warmth and scent.

She thought about placing it on his shoulder for him, but feared he would be angry or disgusted by her scent if she came too close. Even her own thought made pain shatter through her chest. She folded the fur and placed it on the boulder as she picked up the kimono. She didn't want to take this either, but he had asked her to. She clutched it to her and ran away from him without another thought or moment to lose her nerve.

She sobbed loudly as she ran, and eventually stopped and crumpled to the forest floor. She howled with pain, squeezing the kimono tightly, hoping with desperation that this would all turn out to be just a dream. Her mind raced, trying to think of what she should do now. But in the end, she couldn't bring herself to do anything. Without even putting it on, she curled up in the dirt, clutching the kimono to her chest, crying until she was tired. Part of her wished she would fall asleep there and never wake up. But then all of Sesshomaru's efforts to keep her alive would have been in vain. What could she do now?

It was as she lay like this, unable to move from pain, that a foul presence began to infiltrate the air around her. She knew it was a demon miasma, and that she needed to get away, but she couldn't move. She continued sobbing, pressing the kimono to her face.

A wild boar demon stomped closer and roared as it saw her. It charged. That was it; she could not get away now if she wanted to.

"Rin."

She could swear she heard Sesshomaru call her name. She opened her eyes. A flash of white, a slash of claws, and suddenly the boar demon split open in a rain of blood. It collapsed, dead before it hit the ground. Rin watched with hope against hope that it might be Sesshomaru-sama. But the yellow eyes that turned to meet hers were not cold and distant, but fiery and bright. And the kimono beneath them was that distinctive red that she had seen many times now.

"Eh? Sesshomaru's…oh, you're not dressed," said Inuyasha awkwardly, turning away with a slight redness in his cheeks.

"Was I right, Inuyasha? Was in Rin-chan?"

The voice of Inuyasha's lover, Kagome, preceded her arrival. She came running into the glade, wearing her typical strange clothes and carrying her bow and arrows. It took her a moment to spot Rin on the ground. When she did, she gasped in horror.

"Rin-chan! What's the matter? Did something happen to you? Oh well…why are you just holding this? Put it on, you're so cold!"

As Rin sobbed, Kagome helped her to put on the kimono that Sesshomaru had given her. Rin looked at it and was forced once again to despair at never seeing him again. She sobbed into her sleeve.

"Kagome-sama," she whimpered.

"You poor thing, what's wrong?"

"Sesshomaru-sama…told me to leave…"

There was a moment of silence as the other two tried to comprehend this.

"Hah?" Inuyasha blurted out, clearly unable to read the mood. "You're joking. He literally went to hell and back for you."

"Inuyasha, develop some tact," Kagome said bluntly.

"No I'm right this time. Trust me. Sesshomaru sees the whole universe in black and white, pleasant and unpleasant. He does not change his mind. You and that little lizard are on his 'good' column, for sure."

Kagome let out an exhausted sigh. "There's obviously something more going on. Rin-chan? Why don't you come home with us for tonight. There are demons all over this mountain and you're in no state to defend yourself."

Though Rin was still having trouble reasoning how her meager life might be worth protecting without Sesshomaru in it, she meekly nodded and allowed Kagome to lead her out of the forest.

…

High above, where he had observed this interaction from A-Un's back, Sesshomaru sheathed Bakusaiga.

"Dangerous creature," he murmured to himself. "You are not satisfied by simply tempting me into the pain and sins of my father, you must punish me for trying to avoid them too?"

Even if Rin had been able to hear this plaintive criticism, she would not have understood it.


	2. Chapter 2

Notes:

玉水、玉藻の前 – Tamamizu or Tamamo no Mae: a legendary kitsune (fox) demon who was known to possess wives and concubines of emperors, using them to wreak havoc over entire countries.

送り犬 – Okuri-inu: a dog demon who walks alongside travelers, watching in case they should show tiredness. If they appear to be taking a break, it will not attack. But if they appear sleepy or trip, the okuri-inu will eat them alive.

…

Rin tucked her knees up to her chest, looking out over a lake nearby where Inuyasha and Kagome had been staying. It was a sight she would have loved to share with Sesshomaru-sama. The mist rising off the water as the dawn light shimmered over it, the dew sparkling on the precocious weeds and grass, and the odd cray fish below frenetically but silently sifting out food from the leaf litter. It hurt that she could still feel beauty, even alone. She didn't want to feel anything.

Unbeknownst to her, her departure from Sesshomaru's side had a wider impact than she could have ever thought.

…

Not far from where Rin had been attacked by the boar demon, in an abandoned mansion in the depths of the woods, swallowed up by swirling miasma of the demon that had made it his residence, two demons were discussing a mutual problem.

"The great dog demon…is it true his youki has weakened?" asked the owner of the mansion. Even in the brightest light of day, he kept himself well shaded by darkness. Even those whose eyes had adjusted to the darkness all their lives had trouble seeing him.

"It's true," said his guest. Tamamizu was a fox demon who often liked to take human shape; sometimes a beautiful nobleman and sometimes an ethereal princess, though his eyes and the shadow of his tail were difficult to hide all of the time. The androgynous fox demon had alighted himself (for he was currently in the form of a nobleman) on a butsudan, seeming to prefer high vantage points. His yellow, almond-shaped eyes seemed perfectly suited to piercing through the darkness. "More than that," he went on, "his weakness can be exploited easier than ever before."

But his host was dubious. There was a swirl of movement in the darkness, and then a regretful, "He's still too powerful. If only we had one more piece in our favor…"

A subtle and yet nefarious smile crept across the face of the beautiful fox. "Leave that to me, Okuriinu-sama."

…

Sesshomaru could not explain it. After Rin's departure, he did not feel at home in human form. He felt somehow a need to hibernate, and for him that meant letting go of the will to keep his shape small and humble.

As the sun rose the next morning, after he had walked most of the night, he let go. As the smoke swirled around him, he stretched into his familiar and comfortable shape. He stepped out of it, onto the peak of a mountain, with his canine paws. The giant dog lay down and observed the sun rising over a nearby lake, feeling drawn by something there. But as much as whatever it was brought a strange and pleasant feeling to the deepest part of him, it also made him tired and somehow sad. At length, he rested his great head on his paws and went to sleep.

He did not wake up again until late in the afternoon, even though he was conscious of Jaken trying to get his attention. When he did, it was to the most horrible sound he could imagine.

"Ahhhh!" a scream echoed from the valley below.

Sesshomaru's head snapped up. His heart stopped. It was Rin's voice.

"Mm…Sesshomaru-sama?" asked Jaken, woken by Sesshomaru's movements.

But without a word, the great dog snarled and leapt down the mountain in strides as big as small mountains themselves. He heedlessly crashed over trees hundreds of years old and sent mountain birds screeching in panic, leaving a trail of destruction as he went. He leapt once more over the lake to reach the far side, where he had heard the scream. It was as he was in midair that he felt he had made a mistake. He had been too hasty. But it was too late to take back now.

Claws raked across his shoulder from a flying attack at the water's edge. His attacker vanished as soon as it had appeared, but the wound quickly sank into his skin and pumped through his blood. The great dog splashed down into the shallows, shaking as poison started to weaken him almost immediately. Instinctively, he realized he had to conserve his energy.

A pillow of smoke surrounded him as he took a more manageable shape and pulled himself from the water. As he steadied himself, holding his wounded shoulder to restrict blood flow, he tried to use his own miasma to reject the influence of the foreign poison. He glanced around the beach for signs of his attacker or Rin.

"…-maru-sama…!"

A flash of a familiar kimono and a distant voice through the trees. Sesshomaru ignored the pain and ran after her.

He sensed something was wrong in the mere fact that – albeit he was weakened – Rin was somehow able to outrun him. But it was possible she was being dragged. With that thought, he increased his speed even as he felt the poison drive further toward his heart.

He followed her cries and hints of her appearance to an old mansion, swimming with demon energy. His breath stopped as he saw her lying face down in the courtyard. He ran to her without thinking, barely noticing as the gates of the mansion closed behind him.

"Rin," he murmured, gathering her up in his arms. She didn't seem hurt, but she wasn't moving. His hands were shaking. He had felt like this once before, but that was before Rin had become such a large part of his life. That was his last chance at saving her. He knew that no magic or effort would save her if she were killed this time, and that knowledge might kill him.

"Rin," he tried again, more softly, his fingers tightening around her small shoulders.

Her eyes slowly opened. "Sesshomaru…sama?" Sesshomaru's whole body instantly relaxed. He pulled her closer, silently praying that nothing more was wrong. When he looked down at her again, though she at first seemed surprised to see him, a painfully sweet smile reached her face. She reached up her small hand and touched his cheek with more affection than she had shown him before. His lips parted.

"I'm so happy," Rin murmured. "Just to see you again…my dear Sesshomaru-sama…"

Ripples of pain and happiness echoed deeply through Sesshomaru's chest. It had been so hard to send her away. His logic and even his hatred of humans could not insulate him from her influence on his heart. Even so, this sweet feeling was too intense and painful now. He had to turn away from it.

"Who attacked you?" he asked, looking away from her.

To his surprise, her small fingers gripped onto his kimono. She turned her face into his chest, trembling. He closed his eyes as a desire to protect her and spare her any pain briefly overwhelmed him.

"Please…let's just go," she murmured into his chest. "I thought I would never see you again. Sesshomaru-sama…I don't want to be apart from you anymore. Do you hate me, Sesshomaru-sama?"

Sesshomaru closed his eyes against the flood of emotion he felt at being asked that question by her. Though the shaking in his hands was now almost certainly an effect of the poison, he raised a hand to stroke her hair. He couldn't bring himself to deny her this time.

Her hands rose to cradle his face. Though he knew what it would do to him, he couldn't help meeting her gaze. He loved every detail of her face, even as she watched him with uncertainty. If not for the ache he felt with every glance, he would gladly gaze at her all day. He was disarmed by his affection for her as she said something that broke him.

"I'm sorry, Sesshomaru-sama…please don't hate me, but…I love you."

Sesshomaru froze, feeling as if his soul had been pulled out and examined. Could it be true? He told himself it made no difference; she was still human and he couldn't be with her. She was so young. So fragile. Even being loved by him might destroy her. Despite the chorus of voices in his head telling him what he should do, happiness rose like bubbles from the depths of his heart.

"Please stop, Rin…" he pleaded softly.

Rin smiled with tears in her eyes. She gently shook her head. "Sesshomaru-sama…you don't have to return my feelings. But let me love you."

As every inch of him tried to fight the feelings raging through him, he was unable to stop her as she pulled herself up, her arms around his neck. Far from resisting her, he found his arms creeping around her small body, pulling her closer. Rin's sweet face drew closer to his, her eyes flicking from one of his to the other, searching for permission. He could neither give it nor deny her. He tensed as happiness and fear held him bound in a spell as her eyes fell on his lips. His heart began to pound. He couldn't pull away as Rin's eyes closed and her small lips met his.

His body felt electrified with pleasure and pain. The poison in his system made him dizzy as he helplessly returned Rin's soft kiss. He tried to remember if he had ever felt so happy before, though it was harder and harder to stay awake. Too late, he realized why.

His eyes flickered open at one point, desiring to see more of Rin's sweet face. But something caught his eye in the dirt below them. At a rare patch of sunlight shining down into the tree-lined courtyard, his and Rin's shadows were cast onto the ground. His shadow was as it should be. But beyond Rin's small body, the outline of a fluffy fox's tail.

Sesshomaru's eyes widened. Without a pause, he flung himself away from her, drawing his sword. "Kitsune," he hissed, barely able to contain his own rage. He felt his demon blood surging, his eyes glowing red. "You will die slowly."

Rin sighed from where she still lay curled up on the ground. "What a pity. I was enjoying that," she said as she levied herself up to standing. She grinned, licking her lips as her eyes shifted into those of a fox. "And I almost drained you of youki too. Thanks for the meal."

Now this fox had not only taken the form of someone he loved, he had underestimated his power. "Know your place, lesser canid," Sesshomaru growled, raising Bakusaiga. "If my head were cut off, I would still be more than a match for you. There is no saving you now."

"Hm," said the villainous fox, still wearing Rin's appearance. "If I were alone. Maybe."

But Sesshomaru was no longer listening. He had to see this creature's blood before rage overwhelmed him. And then, as he swung his sword, he realized his terrible mistake.

Pain rippled through his arm. Crunch. Bone and tendon snapped. Bakusaiga sank deep into the ground as his hand was rendered useless. He rolled a glare on the jaws sinking into his flesh, but of course unable to bite through with such limited power. Two black orbs peeked out from a shadowy dog skull as it dripped with drool and Sesshomaru's blood, and at once he recognized the okuri-inu.

"Trash," Sesshomaru growled. "I'll eat you whole."

But perhaps because he still had Rin's welcome appearance, Sesshomaru didn't even feel the fox approach until his other hand suddenly felt heavy. He lifted it to see it was in a chain, infused somehow with the same kind of demon poison that was weakening him.

The fox-eyed Rin approached to whisper gently, "Don't worry, Sesshomaru-sama. We know this isn't enough to kill you. We'll get around to it eventually. But can you blame us for wanting to enjoy it?"

Without letting go of his arm, the okuri-inu suddenly took off toward the inner parts of the mansion. It dragged Sesshomaru by his broken arm until they reached the room where he could tell they meant to torture him. One thing prevented Sesshomaru from fighting back with all his strength; he couldn't sense Rin's presence anywhere. He had no doubt he would be able to overpower these two small fry with even the slightest opening, and did not fear torture. One fear was slowly sinking in, however.

What had just happened had been entirely lies by that fox. The real Rin might not feel that way. Was she even safe now? He had rejected her, abandoned her. She would be right to hate him, and the logical part of him wished she would. Yet inside, a tiny voice called out for her; even if she didn't love him, he didn't want to die without her.

 _Rin…don't come here. But let me see you._

…

Rin gasped, whirling around. She had been helping Kagome to gather firewood, but she could have sworn she heard Sesshomaru's voice.

"Sesshomaru-sama…" she murmured, watching the distant hill where she had last thought she heard his voice.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Rin! Riiiin!"

Just as Rin was contemplating running after what she felt as Sesshomaru's presence, Jaken's voice echoed through the forest. After a great deal of rummaging noises, the small lizard burst forth from the undergrowth, eyes welling with tears.

"Riiiiiiin!" he cried.

"Jaken-sama! What's the matter?" Rin asked in shock as he clung to her kimono.

Jaken sniffed, looking up at her pleadingly. "Rin, Sesshomaru-sama is…he's…ahhh, Riiiiiin! What should we do?"

"Calm down! Did something happen to Sesshomaru-sama?"

Jaken explained that he had seen Sesshomaru bound down the mountain and be struck by a fierce demon with poison abilities like Sesshomaru himself. He had lost Sesshomaru in the woods but followed the trail of Sesshomaru's blood to a mansion where he had seen the great dog demon trapped, the most horrible torture being inflicted on him. It sounded preposterous.

"I don't believe it!" Rin cried, praying it truly was a lie. "Even if he were outnumbered, I can't imagine Sesshomaru-sama being beaten by anyone!"

"One of them was Tamamo-no-mae," Jaken said ruefully. "And old foe of Sesshomaru-sama's and a malicious and powerful shape-shifter. That devil can take the form of anyone. Who knows who he turned into to trick Sesshomaru-sama? But what can we do?! I'm no match for the fox demon, and he's working with someone even more powerful! The mansion was swimming in youki!"

"Rin-chan?" Kagome jogged over, perhaps having heard their raised voices. "Is something wro-egh." She interrupted herself to make a face at Jaken's tear-streaked lizard countenance.

Rin took in a breath and let it out. Though she always feared for her life when interacting with powerful demons, she was much more afraid at that moment of making Sesshomaru hate her more than he already did. But it didn't change what she had to do.

"Jaken-sama. Which way is the mansion?" she asked.

"Eh? Just east of here, but…"

Rin bit her lip, sure that that was where she had felt Sesshomaru's voice coming from just now. Without leaving herself any longer to get nervous, she took off at a run toward wherever Sesshomaru was.

"Rin! Wait!"

"Rin-chan, where are you going? Ugh. Inuyasha, pay attention! Something's up!"

The voices of her friends faded as Rin ran as fast as her legs would carry her. It was such a relief that whatever else happened now, at least for this moment, she was running toward Sesshomaru-sama and not away from him. She could worry about the consequences later. For now, ahead was Sesshomaru, and that was where she wanted to be.

"Rin, wait!" Jaken finally caught up with her, dodging brambles that Rin was heedlessly scratching her legs on as she went. "We need a plan at least! We can't do anything alone!"

"Stay behind if you're scared, Jaken-sama," Rin told him breathlessly.

"Gah…you…you're the weakest human I know! How can you have no sense of self-preservation?!" Jaken demanded in frustration.

Rin actually laughed a little as she ran. She didn't know either. She had been scared just moments ago. But every step closer to Sesshomaru-sama, the fear was overwhelmed by desire to see him. Even just to be near him. She could figure out the details later.

But when they finally reached the area around the mansion, Jaken physically held her back from bursting in. He pinched her cheeks and stared at her from inches away.

In a barely audible whisper he hissed, "At the very least, we need to observe the state of things before we go barging in."

Rin frowned at him. "Aw wigh'," she managed between her pinched cheeks.

As quietly as possible, the two stayed low and snuck around the mansion walls to the gate. Though it was closed, it was so old and rotten than Rin could easily see the courtyard through the gaps. She gasped as she saw a familiar sight.

"It's Bakusaiga!" she whispered.

Jaken bit his lip with worry. "I knew it…something terrible has happened…Sesshomaru-sama would never normally be disarmed…"

This brief pause in action as they observed this place, which was obviously inhabited by one or more very powerful demons, had sent Rin's heart pounding with anxiety again. She was suddenly conscious that she would be facing demons who had overpowered Sesshomaru-sama. In the normal course of things, she would be wiped out in an instant. It was already hard just being around the miasma leaking out of this mansion. But Jaken's words had given her an idea.

"If Sesshomaru-sama is armed, no one is a match for him," Rin murmured softly.

Jaken nodded. "True…for now we can concentrate on getting his sword to him. Ah, Sesshomaru-sama…I hope his injuries are light…Ah." He stopped as he realized something. "But this is a problem…I don't think I can handle Bakusaiga…without dying. You're even more likely to-AH! RIN!" Jaken hissed in panic.

As he had been talking, Rin was already wiggling her way inside the gate. By the time Jaken reached out to stop her, her ankle – the last part of her outside – had slipped through and she was out of reach. Rin kept close to the wall as she watched out for any enemies. The sword was in the middle of the courtyard, though. There was no other way but to run out and get it.

Though her heart was pounding with fear by now, she knew what she had to do and couldn't wait. She looked around once more to make sure there was no one in sight, and then darted out.

"Rin! Just touching the hilt will be deadly to y-" Jaken began, but then he gasped as Rin yanked the large sword from the gravel and tucked it under her arm. "Eh? You're not dead?"

Rin turned and gave Jaken a thumb's up, which even to her seemed out of place. She blushed and returned to the shadows of the wall, dragging Bakusaiga behind her. She didn't know why Jaken thought it would kill her, or why it didn't, but on the contrary she felt much better while holding Bakusaiga than she had moments ago.

She realized the miasma had been making it painful to breathe and even see. But now, with Bakusaiga held close, she was able to see a broken door at the other end of the courtyard. She swallowed, thinking of the force it had taken to blast it apart like that, and what such a force would do to her body. But when she thought that even now, Sesshomaru-sama might be in pain, it didn't seem as important.

She dragged the sword over to the nearest porch, where she quickly wrapped it in a rotten old tatami matt to make it easier to carry. Then she ran as quickly and quietly as possible over to the broken door. She peered up inside the hole, but could not see anything but black. This early in the day, that fact in itself was frightening. She knew it was the work of a powerful demon. But that was almost certainly where Sesshomaru was. So she clutched Bakusaiga to her chest, jumped up on the porch and scuttered through the door.

Unfortunately, the deeper she ventured into the mansion, the more the fear started to sink in. She could barely see anything. She tried to shuffle along the walls, but with this miasma clouding her senses, enemies could be inches away and she wouldn't know it. She was only conscious of her own loud heartbeat and the heavy weight in her arms of Bakusaiga.

Finally, she could see a light at the end of a hall. And distantly, she heard the sickening sounds of heavy objects impacting flesh, and laughter. Her stomach twisted at the thought that right now, Sesshomaru was in pain, unable to move. Her soft footsteps along the old wood grew hurried.

But as she drew closer, suddenly the sounds stopped. She held her breath as a spike of fear rose that she had been discovered. But instead of the enemy coming after her, she heard the sound of a shoji screen being closed. And then a heavy thud, like a sack of rocks dropping. Her heart pounded as her worst fears rose up, closing her throat. She ran down the hall and toward the faint light.

When she rounded the corner, her heart stopped. There, lying in a heap on the floor as she had feared, was an very still Sesshomaru. For a moment, she couldn't move. She couldn't bear the reality that he might be…so she couldn't even bring herself to check. But heartache broke through her fear. She ran to him, stumbling and dropping Bakusaiga beside him as she knelt over him.

"Sesshomaru-sama!" she cried, with difficulty managing to roll him over onto his back. Though she could see no injuries, he was pale and would not move or open his eyes. "Sesshomaru-sama, please! Please wake up!"

For several, heart-wrenching seconds, he still did not move. Then, as if in pain, his face tensed. Rin could not stop tears from flowing, just at this slight movement that proved he was alive. She pulled him closer, resting his head on her lap, brushing his hair from his face to better examine it and try to revive him.

"Sesshomaru-sama…it's all right," Rin told him, praying he would open his eyes and be his normal, overbearing self. "I've brought your sword. We can get out of this place. You just have to hang in a little more."

At last, and seeming to struggle, Sesshomaru was able to open his eyes. They remained unfocused on the darkness around them for a moment. Then they turned to Rin. Sesshomaru's eyes fluttered and for a moment, Rin felt her heart nearly break from looking at him. She had never seen such a vulnerable expression on his face before. And though she dared not hope to believe it, she was sure there was affection in it too.

"Rin," said Sesshomaru softly. She had never heard him use such a gentle voice. His brows drew together with pain. He closed his eyes again, this time seemingly with frustration. "I thought I sent you away."

Rin almost choked with pain as she was reminded of what happened yesterday. Her hands, which had been holding Sesshomaru's face, began to shake and she removed them from touching him. "Yes…I'm sorry, Sesshomaru-sama. I…couldn't bear to think you might be hurt…"

Sesshomaru sighed. "Do you know why I sent you away?"

Rin bit her lip until it bled. She was sure she did. But she couldn't bring herself to say it out loud.

As he looked up at her now, frustration flickered behind Sesshomaru's yellow eyes. "I cannot abide the presence of humans," he said.

Rin's body felt heavy as tears dripped down her face against her will. She didn't want to burden Sesshomaru with her feelings. But hearing those words from him, it was impossible not to be devastated.

And yet, after several seconds of unexpected silence, when she was brave enough to glance at his face, wondering why he had stopped, she gasped as she saw it was streaked with pain while looking at her. She could tell from his eyes that she was the one causing that pain. But why? Surely he felt only hatred for her, as for all humans. Seeing that expression on the face of the one she loved sealed her fate; no matter what happened now, she would never be able to forget him.

"To feel anything but disgust for a human…that is the greatest injury to my pride," he went on, softly. "I could not keep you with me. If I did…your sweetness would break me completely." He shifted his body closer and held her around her waist, curling up in her lap like a pet dog. "I cannot…I must not…Rin…help me. Do not make me waver. Leave me."

A different kind of tears, hotter than before, were dripping down Rin's face now. With trembling hands, she stroked Sesshomaru's hair, holding him close. "I'm sorry, Sesshomaru-sama. If I hear such words from you, I don't think I can ever leave you."

Sesshomaru looked up at her, and though there was betrayal in his face, there was also immense relief. He raised a hand, but instead of stroking her hair as he had done many times before, he pressed his thumb to her cheek to wipe away her tears. It was a sweet gesture, but somehow – despite her elation at his affection – that simple gesture sent a cold feeling through Rin's body.

Rin swallowed. She wasn't sure what it meant, but something in that gesture had been unnatural. Why? What was this sense of unease? Unsure of what to do now, hesitantly she murmured, "Sesshomaru-sama?" Rather than answer, Sesshomaru merely closed his eyes and nuzzled her leg. Rin's heart felt like it might explode, but the cold feeling she'd had a moment ago was only growing stronger. "Is it okay to leave, without worrying about the demons that did this to you?"

The dog demon nodded a little. "If I have you, that's all that matters."

At that, cold dread hit Rin's entire body. She couldn't see how, but she knew for sure now that the person curled up against her was not Sesshomaru-sama. Or else someone else was forcing him to say these things. The one thing Sesshomaru would never do was forgive someone who injured his pride. No matter how pleased Rin might be by this fantasy, in which he only cared about her, it wasn't the real Sesshomaru. And that meant that it wasn't the one she loved.

Her mind quickly went over possible ways to escape. This was the worst situation for her. She was enclosed in her enemy's arms, her only weapon – Bakusaiga, on the floor behind her – enormous and almost too heavy for her to carry in her arms, much less swing with any precision. Moreover, if this were someone else using Sesshomaru-sama's body, even if she were able to fight him, she did not want to hurt Sesshomaru's body. And even for Sesshomaru, she wasn't sure what the touch of Bakusaiga's blade would do to him.

But she realized something after realizing how she had caught this imposter. If it were Sesshomaru's body, she was certain he would much rather it was destroyed than usurped by anyone else. She prayed that if it really were him, he would be able to stop the poison before it killed him. And she trusted that he could.

So as not to arouse suspicion, she stroked his hair gently with one hand as she carefully reached behind her with the other. "Okay, Sesshomaru-sama. Let's go," she said.

Just as she saw he was about to open his eyes again, Rin grabbed Bakusaiga's hilt and wildly dragged it in front of her as she leapt back.

"AAahhh!" came a scream from Sesshomaru as a deep green gash appeared over his hand. He was on his feet in a moment, watching in shock as the poison spread up his arm. "Rrrrgh!" he cried, grabbing a dagger from his boot – which Rin had never seen him use before – and without hesitation, slicing off his own arm at the elbow.

The limb fell with a thud to the tatami matts and began to dissolve with the poison. But not before it shifted into an entirely different shape. No longer the arm of a dog demon. But the paw of a fox.

Sesshomaru rounded a glare on her, dripping with malice. Rin gasped as she saw his eyes had changed shape to the slanted ones of a fox, and behind him a fox's tail swished angrily. "You scum. Urchin. You dirty little rat," said Sesshomaru, in an androgynous voice that was not his own. "You've maimed me! My beautiful body! How dare you?! No slow death will satisfy me! I'll tear your limbs off and eat them in front of you!"

Rin shut her eyes and raised Bakusaiga protectively over herself, but she could barely keep it held aloft. The fox slammed its paw into her shoulder and the next thing she knew, her left side was on fire with pain and her vision went dark. As she blinked her eyes open in shock, she coughed through dust and wood splinters falling on her. But as she desperately tried to move out of the way of the next strike, she realized that somehow Bakusaiga had protected her from the worst of the impact.

Unable to do anything else, she decided to trust Bakusaiga again. She let out a cry of exertion and swung the great sword once again toward the fox demon. Now knowing the danger, it dodged easily. This time it used Sesshomaru's foot to stomp Rin's wrists into the ground. She cried out, fearing they would break, but held on to Bakusaiga's hilt for dear life.

"Riiin!"

Rin gasped as she heard Jaken's voice, and suddenly a column of flame burst through the wall outside the room they were in. The fox had to jump backward out of the way, and Rin quickly dragged the sword back with her away from him. Jaken ran inside, coming to stand in front of Rin with his staff raised.

"Not one more step closer, Tamamo-no-mae!" he shouted.

Rin sometimes forgot how brave Jaken could be. She sighed with relief, though she quickly remembered his warning about not being strong enough to take on Tamamo-no-mae. But maybe together…

The fox demon tilted Sesshomaru's head at the appearance of the lizard demon. "What's this? Another irritating bug for me to squash? And what's more, one without memories of anyone dear. Useless."

It raised Sesshomaru's hand high, and fox claws – glowing with purple poison – appeared at his fingertips.

"Jaken-sama!" Rin cried.

Jaken ducked the paw once and then sent the demon back with a blast of fire. "Rin, go!" he told her, shoving her toward the next set of doors. "If Sesshomaru-sama is free, we can all get out of this! Hurry!"

Rin sobbed, knowing he had already shown his only attack and it was only a matter of time before one of those strikes landed. But he was right. If Sesshomaru were free, they might still all escape. Though it tore her apart to leave him, she dragged Bakusaiga toward the door.

"Please don't die, Jaken-sama!" she cried.

"I don't intend to. Whoa now, back up, trickster!" he barked as Tamamo-no-mae tried to stop Rin. He blasted him back with a wave of fire that singed the edges of Rin's hair as she ran.

"Little mud fish…I'll tear you to pieces," Rin heard the fox hiss as she ran.

But after only a moment, she realized she was in total darkness. She couldn't see anything at all. Her senses were filled with the sound of her own ragged breathing, and she was suddenly filled with terror at the presence she felt so close. It was here. Whatever demon was casting this whole mansion in youki, it was in this room.

She was trying to decide what to do when a soft chuckle rose from the recesses of the room behind her. She whirled around, pointing Bakusaiga in the direction of the voice.

"So fiery. Would you like to play a game, human?"

The voice was indistinct. The more it spoke, the less Rin was sure about where it was coming from. It seemed to be somehow inhabiting the darkness all around her. She swallowed her fear, trying to focus on holding up Bakusaiga, which was not easy.

"It's very easy. There is only one rule. If you show exhaustion in any way, I'll eat you."

Rin's heart hammered in her ears. She knew at once that there was nowhere to escape in this room, surrounded in this demon's essence.

"You don't look very sleepy. That's good. But be careful. If you trip or fall. Even if you drop that sword. You're mine. Ready to play?"

Rin tried to control her breathing. And the longer she paused, the more another emotion rose up beyond the fear; rage at the person who had hurt Sesshomaru. "I don't play games. Where is Sesshomaru-sama?"

"Of course you can see him if you win the game. I'm not a monster," said the demon, though it followed this with a very unconvincing chuckle.

Rin's jaw tightened. "If there's only one rule, then how do I win? Stay alert forever?"

Suddenly, Rin was conscious of two glassy eyes just inches away beside her. They were fixed in the skeletal head of a dog demon, covered in patchy black fur but without any flesh over the bone. It tilted its head and grinned at her.

"Or you could kill me," it said. Rin gasped and recoiled. It chuckled again, sending shivers down her spine. "Think you can do it, little human?"

Rin's fingers tightened around Bakusaiga's hilt as she desperately tried to calm her racing thoughts. Only once in her life had she felt fear like this. It was when she was very small. And a wolf was eating her. Suddenly she could not remember how she had ever stopped being afraid of wolves and dogs. They haunted her nightmares almost as often as the faces of her dead parents. Teeth specially made for pulling off flesh and crunching into bone. Hungry eyes. Legs that could outrun hers every time. Even the course fur soaked with her own blood. Everything about them made her so afraid she could barely breathe.

She felt herself stepping back without meaning to. Suddenly, the skeletal dog's face, with its bulging black eyes, filled her vision. "Careful," it whispered. "Don't trip."

Rin was so scared she wanted to cry. _Sesshomaru-sama!_ she pleaded wordlessly. _I don't want to die. Please help…_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Rin was so scared at that moment that she felt all the strength leave her legs. Instinctively, she clung to Bakusaiga. Somehow, doing that allowed her to keep her footing, even as the dog grinned at her from inches away.

Slowly, she took a step backward. She could still see nothing but the two glassy eyes floating in the air before her. She took another step, and suddenly her foot hit something soft. Fabric. Hard flesh beneath it. And then, a familiar growl.

Her heart flew into her throat. There was no mistake this time. She accidentally lowered the sword as she whirled around. "Sesshomaru-sama!" she cried.

The next thing she knew, she was thrown to the ground as teeth sank down into her arm. She screamed, unable to lift Bakusaiga with one hand. The teeth were already inches deep in her arm. It felt like fire burning through her skin. She thought she might pass out from the pain. If they went any deeper, she had no doubt her arm would break.

" _Sankon tessou_!"

All at once, four streaks of injurious light shone through the darkness, slicing into the incorporeal form of the demon dog. It yelped and released Rin, backing away while leaving a few drops of blood. The next moment, Inuyasha leapt inside the room, his presence alone sending much of the youki away. He raised an eyebrow down at Rin.

"Yo." A canine grin stretched across his face. "Nice fight. Ok if I tap in?"

Rin blinked at him. Unable to think of any other way to respond, she simply nodded.

"Okay then. C'mere you nasty cur," Inuyasha crowed, bursting through another set of shoji screens to chase after the fleeing dog demon.

At its departure, much of the miasma had cleared. Rin whirled around once again to make sure it was really him. But as soon as she could see clearly enough to recognize him, her heart was torn apart by Sesshomaru's appearance.

His silvery white head hung down limply in front of him. He was kneeling on the floor with his hands chained to the ceiling above him, his torso stretched painfully thin. There were purple marks on his wrists and one shoulder, clearly not bruises but rather pulsating demon poison. He was missing most of his clothing, which was torn apart all around him, along with vast tracks of his flesh. Practically everywhere that was not maimed by claws or teeth was red or bruised. It would seem that the two demons had been taking turns slashing and beating him.

Rin ached with pain and shock just looking at him. Slowly, she found herself losing strength in her legs. She knelt on the ground, unable to tear her eyes away from his battered body. As her eyes stung, she shifted forward and cautiously reached out to him. But she was afraid her touch would hurt, and hesitated just before touched his face.

"Sesshomaru-sama…?" she asked, her voice breaking.

Sesshomaru's eyes opened a little. He could not seem to focus them on her. "Kitsune magic again…?" he murmured in a low voice, filled with rage.

Rin was confused, but then her heart sank as she realized: Sesshomaru had been caught by the same trick she almost fell for herself. Did that mean the fox had taken her form? He had been lured here using her shape? Rin sobbed, her skin feeling like a heavy burden, knowing it had caused Sesshomaru so much pain.

"…Rin?" Sesshomaru asked abruptly.

Rin flinched. Did he really recognize her, or was he confused by the pain? Was he angry with her? Could he ever forget that not only had she disobeyed him and returned to his side, but that someone with her face had hurt him so badly?

Her hands shaking, she pushed herself up, dragging Bakusaiga with her. "I'm so sorry, Sesshomaru-sama. I'll free you soon."

With her last remaining strength before her muscles gave out and the adrenaline from being bitten could fade, Rin let out a shout and swung Bakusaiga high over Sesshomaru's head, crashing through and severing the chains binding him. As soon as the tension was relieved, Sesshomaru fell in a heap to the floor.

Hurriedly, she dropped the sword and leaned down to remove the coiled chains from Sesshomaru's wrists. A dark voice stopped her.

"Don't touch them," growled Sesshomaru.

Rin froze. She took two steps back, again feeling the pain of his hatred reverberating through her body. She looked away, wondering if she should leave. But even if she could leave Sesshomaru in this state, she couldn't abandon Jaken.

Sesshomaru got up to his knees without any assistance. He seemed not to be as badly hurt as she had feared. But when he started unwinding the chains from his wrists, Rin could see that his hands were shaking. She bit her lip, fighting the urge to help him.

When he had finished disentangling himself, Sesshomaru tossed the chains aside with conviction. "The fox infused the chains with poison," he said darkly. "I could barely move while touching them. You, if you are Rin, would have been turned to dust in moments."

But rather than appreciate the fact that he had just saved her life, Rin still felt stung by the fact that Sesshomaru didn't seem to fully believe it was her. Either he was still experiencing effects of the poison, or she had turned to an unnecessary existence in his mind. It didn't much matter which. She still couldn't stay with him.

"Will you be all right now?" she asked softly.

Sesshomaru seemed to hesitate. He turned to look at her with a trace of confusion in his eyes. "Rin…?" he asked again, as if it was his first time asking. "What are you doing here?"

Rin looked away, wanting to fade into the darkness. "I'm sorry."

Sesshomaru's expression softened. He closed his eyes, and bent to pick up and sheath Bakusaiga. "I did not ask for an apology. I asked for an explanation." His yellow eyes flicked toward her. "I sent you away. You have no obligation to me any longer, nor do I wish to see you from here on after."

Rin felt her eyes grow hot, but for a moment she was able to resist the urge to cry. Nevertheless, when she looked back up at Sesshomaru, seeing his face and realizing he must hate her, on top of which she would never see him again, she lost the ability to stop her tears.

"Is my presence so unpleasant?" she murmured.

His gaze dropped again as he muttered in an uncharacteristically soft voice, "That is not it. You should not be in danger on my behalf."

But Rin didn't quite hear this last part before she cried in frustration, "Even if I cannot be by your side, is it so terrible that I should love you?!"

Sesshomaru stared at her. His lips parted. But other than this small movement, he appeared frozen. There was no emotion on his face. It was as if he simply stopped.

Wiping her face on her sleeve in frustration, she added, "I didn't want you to die! Is that so terrible?! Sesshomaru-sama…I left because you wanted me to, but even if you ask me, I can't stop loving you!"

Even as she said it, she was disgusted with how childish she sounded. She never complained like this to Sesshomaru-sama, even as a child. She was so ashamed. Her feelings were not Sesshomaru's responsibility after all. She wanted to disappear.

There was no sound of movement from Sesshomaru as she cried so shamefully in front of him for some time. When her tears eventually ceased, she had calmed down a little and realized she should just leave. She wiped her face again, sniffing as she halfheartedly tried to dry her face.

"Forgive me. I won't appear before you again, Sesshomaru-sama," she murmured. She bowed. "Thank you for everything up until now."

While she was bowed, she heard Sesshomaru take in a contemplative breath. "I…cannot…"

Hesitantly, rather than leaving as she had intended, she looked up at him. Despite his many injuries, which to judge from his expression barely caused him any pain, he merely showed slight confusion in the drawing of his brows and lowering of his eyes. He seemed to lose his will to continue and had to begin again.

"Rin. You would not live a normal life with me. And most likely, you would live a short one. The reason I asked you to leave…is that I could not bear to see the end of your life. If you were away, I could pretend you lived somewhere far away forever. That seemed more bearable."

Rin sniffed, moved by his care for her, even though she was sure it wasn't the same way she cared for him. "You weren't disgusted by my smell?"

Sesshomaru lightly shook his head.

"Or just tired of me?"

Sesshomaru sighed. "Do not force me to say more than this."

But even though she was happy, Rin was not very convinced by his reasoning. "My life would have been much shorter if I had never met Sesshomaru-sama," she said softly. "And if I had lived a normal life, I would never have met you at all. I think that would have been much worse than dying even one minute after meeting you."

Sesshomaru's frown deepened. "Imprinting," he muttered almost inaudibly.

"What did you say, Sesshomaru-sama?"

Sesshomaru pressed his fingers to his temple tiredly. "Nothing. I cannot reason with you. Leave. Go with Inuyasha and Kagome and do not trouble me any further."

"I don't want to."

He raised an eyebrow at her.

Rin swallowed at the idea of disobeying him, but now that she knew his own reasoning, she could not let things end here. "I will stay by your side, Sesshomaru-sama."

At that, Sesshomaru bared his teeth. Rin flinched and recoiled as he growled at her, his eyes glowing red. "You are not worthy to stand beside me!" he roared, shaking the nearby shoji screens. Rin trembled, having never seen him look so frightening. "Leave!"

Rin gathered her courage. "No," she said, though her voice broke. "There is no life that I want without Sesshomaru-sama in it."

Sesshomaru continued to growl, his eyes red and teeth bared, every second filling Rin with fear even as she was certain he would never hurt her. But after a few moments, he grimaced in pain and crumpled to the floor, holding his shoulder, which was pulsating with demon poison.

"Sesshomaru-sama!" Rin cried, kneeling beside him and holding him without thinking.

Sesshomaru was panting with pain, but after a moment, he uttered a final soft growl before muttering, "I cannot reason with you."

Rin let out a gasp as Sesshomaru rested his head on her shoulder, even nuzzling her gently like a dog. Her heartbeat pounded in her own ears. This was definitely real, wasn't it?

"Very well then," he murmured, already sounding half asleep. "Stay with me. I cannot win against you, Rin."

Rin could barely respond, but happiness flooded her chest like a burst of sunlight. With trembling hands, she held the barely conscious Sesshomaru in her arms. She rested her face against his neck, breathing in the scent of his hair.

At that moment, even though she knew it was the worst possible time, she knew that this feeling of heat in her body when she touched Sesshomaru, this desire to be touched by him, was lust. Though she was surprised to experience this feeling for the first time, realizing her love for Sesshomaru meant it was not a surprise. And knowing Sesshomaru did not feel the same made the feeling irrelevant. Even so, not knowing if it would ever come again, she treasured this sweet moment with the one she loved.

Kagome and Inuyasha apparently defeated the two demons without any trouble. They came back to get her, but upon finding her holding a half-conscious and half-naked Sesshomaru, they quickly decided to take their leave.

"Wait!" Rin cried. "Sesshomaru-sama has been poisoned! What should I do?"

Inuyasha sneered at that. "My brother Sesshomaru? Poisoned? Leave him alone. He'll get better if he sleeps a little."

"But…!"

But with that, the two lovers saying their goodbyes and Rin was left alone with Sesshomaru and Jaken, who had arrived with the other two. But even he seemed hesitant to stay. "Mm…I have left A-Un on the mountain. I should go and retrieve him. I may be several hours," he said, glancing this way and that suspiciously. And then he too was gone.

Rin sighed. "I swear I don't have ulterior motives. Does everyone think I would lay my hands on a wounded Sesshomaru-sama? Who doesn't even love me?" She sighed heavily. But instantly her own words made her want to cry. "I shouldn't say that out loud. It's bad for my heart."

Saying this, she helped Sesshomaru to lay down and covered him with a slightly dusty blanket, cradling his head with a zabuton that was lying around. She sat beside him, unsure what to do now, until Sesshomaru's hand reached out and covered hers in her lap. His yellow eyes flicked open and gazed unyieldingly at her with a gaze that felt warm.

"Rin," he said. "I'm cold. Come here."

Rin blushed. But once again her heart began to pound. And once again, she was sure a chance to be so close to her beloved would not come often. Rin lay down beside Sesshomaru on top of the blanket. She curled up against him, but moments later Sesshomaru's arm surrounded her and pulled her even closer. He sighed pleasantly. And in a final move to steal Rin's heart, he stroked her hair as he seemed to enjoy doing.

Rin found herself smiling widely even as she began to fall asleep as well. She didn't know what her future with Sesshomaru-sama would hold, but she knew she had never been happier than when she was in his arms.

…

As she drifted off, she was unaware of the fact that Sesshomaru's eyes opened once again. His brows drew together with consternation as he observed Rin's sleeping face. Eventually, he succumbed to the ache inside him, and pressed his forehead to hers.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

The next morning, Rin woke up feeling incredibly warm and rested. While she was still sleepy, she snuggled closer to the warmth and pleasantly earthy scent enclosing her. When she opened her eyes, she found impassive yellow ones watching her. Rin inhaled sharply and flinched. Sesshomaru's brows drew together at her reaction.

"G-…good morning, Sesshomaru-sama," Rin murmured, inching away from him, though still very conscious and her heart still pounding at the fact that she had slept the whole night beside him.

"Yes, good morning, Rin," came the voice of Jaken, who was currently hovering near their heads. Immediately Rin jumped up to a seated position. Jaken folded his arms, glowering at her. "Sesshomaru-sama and I have been up for several hours. Nice of you to join us."

Rin hurriedly got to her feet, straightening her kimono. "My apologies." She smiled at both of them. "Shall we go, Sesshomaru-sama?"

Sesshomaru closed his eyes with a sigh. He shifted, stretching a little and curling into his fur, one of the only items of his clothing not damaged. Although, Rin noticed that like the wounds on his body, his clothing was repairing itself as his youki slowly restored. Rin had to avert her gaze as she felt a flutter of her heart at the way his hair looked spread beneath his shirtless body.

But after another reluctant breath, he opened his eyes again. "Indeed. I dislike the air here. Even after that cur was defeated, his stench remains." Rin had to look away again as he languidly rose, still barely clothed. She stayed that way until he had finished rustling his clothing and taken a step toward the door, then she quickly followed.

Rin and Jaken mounted A-Un, who had been patiently waiting outside, and they took off after Sesshomaru, who had already leapt into the air. The dog demon flitted as gracefully as he always did above the trees, eventually settling on a somewhat protected hollow beside the lake. He curled up there, wrapped in his fur.

"I need to sleep a little longer to finish healing," he said, shutting his eyes. "Rin. Jaken. You can do what you like."

"Would you like some company?" Rin found herself asking.

Sesshomaru's eyes slowly opened and fixed on Rin. He watched her with that impenetrable gaze until she started to become nervous that she had offended him. But eventually he merely closed them again with a sigh. "I said do as you like. I won't stop you if you want to stay."

Rin nodded. She sat down nearby – but not touching – Sesshomaru.

Jaken scoffed. "No one but me is fit to guard, so I suppose I shall do that."

"What did you say, Jaken?" Sesshomaru muttered under his breath.

"Nothing!"

As Sesshomaru slept through the morning, Rin amused herself by making flower crowns. The first one she put on a very reluctant Jaken's head. He called it infantile and ridiculous, but he also didn't bother removing it. It took a while to make two big enough for A and Un, and by the time she finished the last one for Sesshomaru-sama, it was already afternoon.

"Rin! Don't you shame Sesshomaru-sama with your childish games!" Jaken reprimanded her as she moved closer to place the flower crown on Sesshomaru's sleeping head.

"But don't you think it would suit him? Yours suits you very well, Jaken-sama," Rin added, knowing Jaken was weak to praise, as he so seldom received it from Sesshomaru.

"Mm…well…it's true, anything suits Sesshomaru-sama…but-!"

Rin knelt beside the sleeping Sesshomaru and carefully placed the ring of daisies around his head. All at once, she, Jaken and A-Un had to stop and take in the sight. Normally, Sesshomaru would never be this vulnerable. Perhaps it was a combination of being injured and knowing he was with friends, but he didn't stir from sleep even a little, his expression peaceful and somehow youthful. The daisy ring honestly did not suit his aesthetic even a little bit, but framing his sleeping face it was unbearably adorable.

"Well…if he wakes up and sees that, on your head be it," Jaken said reluctantly.

Rin found herself watching Sesshomaru's slightly mismatched beauty with a big smile on her face. She sat down beside Sesshomaru to keep watching him. As she watched, she thought he sniffed the air a little in his sleep. He shifted his body. Rin took in a breath of surprise as he rested his head on her knee, curling one arm around her legs, though apparently still asleep.

Jaken observed this with his bulging yellow eyes narrowed. "Hmph," he harrumphed, turning away. "I suppose I shall take A-Un in search of some nourishment. I assume you have to eat again today? How troublesome humans are."

While Rin was still shocked by being trapped by a sleeping Sesshomaru, Jaken took A-Un and flew away. Hesitantly, Rin looked down at Sesshomaru. From this angle, she could only see his profile and the back of his silvery head. Most of the wounds on his body had now faded, and his clothing was as good as new. Both the side of his face, now resting against her thigh, and the arm encircling her legs felt warm and pleasant. Once again, Rin felt desire building inside her. She knew it was impossible that Sesshomaru could ever return her feelings, but for now she could enjoy this sweet moment.

She raised a hand and gently stroked Sesshomaru's hair as he slept. She stopped when she noticed his eyes were open. She expected some sort of rebuke, but he said nothing. He seemed to be watching the gathering orange as the sun set over the water in front of them.

His eyes flicked up toward her briefly. "You may continue," he said softly.

"Oh…yes. All right."

Though it was twenty times more embarrassing when she knew he was awake, and with her heart pounding in her ears, Rin once again stroked his hair. Sesshomaru's eyes slowly closed again and he seemed to relax against her.

"I am a fool," he murmured.

"Why, Sesshomaru-sama?" Rin asked with concern.

Sesshomaru's yellow eyes gradually opened again. Even though he was still softly holding Rin, he seemed more distant than before. "I should never have taken you."

Rin's chest ached once again as she assumed that was meant as a statement of regret that he had let her into his life. Her hand stopped moving. She slowly lowered it to her side again. "Am I a burden?" she whispered.

Sesshomaru's eyes widened. With that, he rose to a seated position and looked down at her, his brows drawn in what looked like confusion. The dog demon let out a soft breath and turned his gaze back out over the lake. "You think too highly of yourself. I could carry the burden of a thousand tiny souls like yours and not feel the weight."

"Oh…then why do you regret it?"

Sesshomaru seemed to struggle to answer, unable to look at her. "Do you remember the shape of your parents' faces?"

Rin tucked her knees up to her chest as dark memories rose up alongside very faint pleasant ones. "I did, at first. Not so much anymore."

"Then the closest thing you have to a parent is me."

Rin tried to stop herself but she couldn't help a snort of laughter.

Sesshomaru rolled a sharp-eyed glare down at her. He was not made more intimidating by the fact that he still didn't seem to realize he had a daisy chain on his head. "What is amusing?"

Rin couldn't stop now, she had to hold her stomach and cover her mouth to stop from howling with laughter. Eventually though the tender feelings she felt for him caused her to want to see his face. She sighed as her laughter faded and smiled up at him warmly.

"I don't think of you as a parent," she said.

Rin sat up on her knees, reaching up to relieve him of his crown. His lips parted in surprise as she drew closer, and then his face turned a rather sickened color as he saw what she had removed from his head. Rin turned the flower crown over in her hands as she tried to find the right words.

"And that's exactly why I thought you didn't want me anymore. Because you realized my feelings and were disgusted by them."

Sesshomaru still seemed puzzled, but then he took in a sharp breath. His lips parted as if he would speak, but he didn't seem able. Finally he turned his whole body away from her. "I don't know what you mean by that," he muttered.

"Oh…really?" Rin murmured, somewhat hurt by the fact that she had already said she loved him and he didn't seem to have understood. It made it even harder to say it again. "I mean…I think of Jaken-sama and A-Un as family…but I feel differently about you. Warm and…a little scary. And when you hold me, my body feels hot and excited-"

"Stop."

Sesshomaru was on his feet. Rin looked up with shock, wondering if she really had disgusted him this time. "Sesshomaru-sama?"

The dog demon had his sleeve over his face as if he smelled something bad, but he kept his back to her. "You cannot say these things," he said.

Rin swallowed, fearing she might start to cry again. "Is it disgusting?"

"You are a child," he said forcefully.

Rin lowered her head, her cheeks feeling hot with shame. "No. I haven't been for a while. I can't help how I feel. That's why I said I would leave you…I can still do that. But even if I don't say them out loud, these feelings will still be true."

Sesshomaru's breathing seemed uneven. He still held his sleeve over the lower half of his face, and he seemed reluctant to stay here. "You've never known anyone else. You imprinted on me. Like a baby bird. I took away any chance you had of having a normal life, and what you feel is not of your choosing."

Rin got to her feet. "No. But I would choose you out of the whole world anyway."

Sesshomaru stiffened. Slowly, he lowered his hand from over his face.

Rin reached for his opposite one and lightly touched his pinky finger with hers, heedless of the danger in his claws. He allowed her to softly twine them together, and even rest some of her weight against him.

"I didn't fall in love right away. I didn't know how gentle you were. I only saw that you had a beautiful soul, and I wanted to be together with you. There are many things to love about you, Sesshomaru-sama, but I fell in love with the way you mourn."

"Mourn?"

Rin nodded against his arm. "In the village where I grew up, death was everywhere. There was no time to stop and acknowledge the ones we loved were gone. Staying alive was all we thought about. We never celebrated the beauty of the world around us. You do that every day. And when you thought I was dead…" A tear dripped down Rin's face as she thought of the pain and relief in Sesshomaru's face when she came back to life. "…you celebrated my life. And wished I would come back. I've never known anyone so beautiful and kind."

Sesshomaru lowered his head, still refusing to look at her. "You are…for a human…wise and caring. You should not expend your kindness on a demon."

That annoyed Rin, and without letting go of his hand, she walked around to stand in front of him. He still avoided her gaze. "I've never known anyone, human or demon, more deserving of my love than you."

Sesshomaru's lips parted and he seemed lost. With gentleness she had not known in him until now, he reached out and took her other hand in his. He raised them up, gazing at her hands that looked childlike enveloped in his own.

"You are so young," he said again, seeming astounded by the fact.

"Not so young as I was yesterday."

"I have lived a thousand years before you, and will live a thousand after you."

Rin nodded. "I know. You're a great demon. And I'm nobody. Even if you could love me, it would only shame you and your family. Then I'll be gone in a blink of your eye. So I may not have much of the one I love, but I want to spend every moment I have with you."

When Rin looked up again, finally Sesshomaru was meeting her gaze. His yellow eyes looked tortured as they gazed down at her. "Rin, you are wise, but you can be foolish sometimes. Did you ever think I didn't love you?"

Rin felt her heart might stop. She genuinely forgot to draw breath for a few moments as she was captured by Sesshomaru's pained expression gazing down at her. Before she could even fully respond, Sesshomaru released one of her hands so he could lovingly stroke her face and her hair.

"Every day you grow more precious to me. That frightened me. As painful as it was to lose you all those years ago, if I lost you now I fear it would destroy me." Though it seemed difficult for him even to speak so much in succession, he met her gaze once again. "If you talk of desire, I'm afraid it will make mine real. I wanted to think it wasn't."

"Desire…?" Rin murmured in disbelief.

Sesshomaru closed his eyes and let out a heavy breath. He leaned down and pressed his forehead against Rin's. "For some time now. Even though you are so young. I only want to care for you."

"Let me care for myself."

As Sesshomaru glanced at her in surprise, Rin stood on her toes and gently touched her lips to his. She slowly lowered herself down and tried to gauge his expression. He seemed to be asking for help. But he didn't move as she clasped his face in both her hands and drew him into a longer kiss.

Sesshomaru's body was stiff; he still seemed unsure. Rin now felt she understood a little of what he was feeling, which included guilt that he had somehow corrupted her. But she couldn't feel any less so. Her love for Sesshomaru felt like the most natural and beautiful thing in the world. Even as her heart pounded and the pit of her stomach fluttered, she pressed her lips gently to Sesshomaru's again.

When she parted from him this time, his breath was coming in pants. His eyes were fixed on hers. She thought she heard her name tumble from his lips as she felt his breath against hers, and then he gathered her up in his arms and kissed her hard.

Rin couldn't help the soft noises that escaped her. Sesshomaru's lips hungrily drove against hers, repeatedly tasting and swallowing her gasps. His hands spread across her back, urging her closer against his warm, hard body. And everything he did made the aching heat between her legs grow even stronger.

At one point, his leg shifted between hers. Rin drew back and gasped out loud. She had felt an explosion of sensation as his thigh touched the apex of her body. She clung to him as the feeling subsided, though she noticed something hard and warm pressing up against her hip. She wondered if Sesshomaru felt as good as she did.

Unable to resist the temptation to experience that again, Rin moved her hips against Sesshomaru's thigh, pressing herself against his body. His arms wrapped tight around her and he gasped. After a moment to recover, he stroked her hair and even pressed his face against it.

"Rin," he said, apparently coming to his senses a little. "We should stop here."

Rin made a soft noise of frustration. "It aches…"

Sesshomaru seemed to be trying to control his breathing. At length, he took a deep breath. "All right. I'll help you. But that's all we'll do for today."

He hesitantly moved his hand to the small of her back, and positioned his leg between hers. In one smooth motion, he thrust his hips against hers. Rin cried out. Once again, but even stronger this time, that explosive feeling coursed over her. Every part of her body felt sensitive, especially her breasts and where her body met Sesshomaru's thigh. Again he thrust again her. Rin felt her mind going blank as pleasant feelings rolled over her again and again.

She felt Sesshomaru's fingers tighten against her kimono as he moved against her. She could feel his breath against her hair as he curled his body against her, holding her so tightly it was almost painful. She felt something building, something electric and powerful in the center of her body. As the pitch of her cries rose, Sesshomaru tilted her head up and covered her mouth with his.

This added stimulation brought Rin's body to the peak of pleasure and she twitched all over, her fingers digging into Sesshomaru's back. Her cries of pleasure were muffled inside Sesshomaru's mouth. He kept kissing her softly as the feeling slowly faded. Finally, they both relaxed against each other and panted as they regained their composure. Sesshomaru pressed more kisses against Rin's cheek, and even licked her a little.

"Sesshomaru-sama…" Rin murmured, still clinging to him, unable to stand on her own.

Sesshomaru's fingers tightened on her clothing. "You…need not say my name so frequently."

"You don't like it?"

With that, Sesshomaru's typical haughty scowl returned. "I do like it. That is what troubles me."

Rin chuckled. "Maybe it'll help if you get used to it?"

"That does not seem likely."


End file.
